Monday, April 24, 2006

Scrapbooking and Tears

Am I old or am I fresh.....?
I turn the pages of my memories and see all I have done and all I have left behind
No regrets......but wishes that my mind was sharper, and the true images swam within it

You are gone and some are lost
My friends from the good old days

I see you there in the photographs
So fair and fresh, so lucid and happy

Some are gone forever and some will never recover

Each scrapbook I create will be homage to you
Inside my heart you are still perfect

I love you and miss you

For those who can look with me
Upon those tender pages
Join me and remember

And if I leave you
I promise my life is engaged here
I have frozen these memories in time

Last night I began a gruelling task.
I pulled out every photo album. I looked through every picture. Yours, mine and ours.
I have never cried so much in my life.

This cry was not one of giant wailing tears.
It was the kind that drips over and over again releasing a wish with every drop.

My task was to create a photo time-line of my life.
I started at high school and ended with now.
I wanted significant friends within my photo line, and I wanted to create visuals of things I had done or experienced that I have been able to capture in picture.
I wanted to capture the people whom I consider true friends.
People whom at some point in my life helped me on my voyage to become the woman I am today.

Of course this seems like a real fancy trip down memory lane.
There were lots of great times captured over the years. That is for sure...
But sad memories are in there too.
Great times captured in that moment of glee, yet not dwelled upon since the death of a friend.
I saw pictures of "Annie Fanny" when we tore up the town in our day.
Then at that moment I wished she was still with us, and up to her old tricks.
A sense of loss it is.
A desire to have those old times almost forgotton.
Not wishing any suffering, but a selfish desire to have it all back.....even just for one moment.

Years go by as I browse the books picture by picture.
Beautiful families that helped me grow.
My friends, my acquaintances, my life.
The old neighbourhood and all of the Mom's and Dad's we kids shared and used to our hearts content.

Jimmy. Not my dad, but my best friend's dad.
Not gone, but lost. Lost inside a dream.
How can I pay him honest tribute?
I can only say it one way. Helen and Jimmy taught me how to hug.
And in turn I taught my Mom and Dad how to hug. Cuz kids teach parents everything.
So when they became Grandparents and I became a Mom, we taught my children how to hug.
And my children hug everyone!
And everyone thinks my Boys are the best things in the world!

See how it all works?
The best we can hope for in life is that we Effect people.
And if we can Effect Change it is the most awesome legacy we could ever hope for!

So it is with great pride and loving memories I create each scrapbook page and build an archive of our history. Yours, mine, and ours, from then till now.
Turn the page. Touch it. Feel the texture of the decoration. Weep if you will.
Smile if you must. Laugh if you dare.

I remember you.


1 comment:

Alex said...