Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Womandatory


Paul from No Milk Please used a word that I think every man can identify with, which can be the new BUZZ WORD to describe what it is like to interact with the significant women in their lives.
WOMANDATORY.

Womandatory: The uncomfortable and frustrating situations which men must endure so they can have copasetic relations with the women in their lives

Today I would like to explain the womandatory situations that the guys in my house must deal with to live with me. The following will be phrases that I say, and what those words really mean to the men in my life.

Please know that Cam participated in the research and represented all the guys, and this is very tongue-in-cheek, even if it is sooo true.
For those that don't know us Tuckers too well, you need to know we laugh about this stuff here all the time...

This is the way we deal with me growing up to become my Mother.
As my Dad says, "The nut doesn't fall far from the tree."


"Could you come here for a second?"

This phrase from me means one of two things.

A) I just found out that the guys did something wrong, or didn't do something they were supposed to and now they must endure 20 to 30 minutes of aggressive chastising because I noticed.

or

B)It seems I don't really want to do a task, so I ask for help. Which really means I will instruct them on how to do the job, while they slug away at it. Followed by a "Thank You."


"Where are you?"

This means I heard a noise and I think someone is up to something and I want to know about it so I can approve it.....or not.


What are you doing?

This always follows the "Where are you?". This means someone was caught doing an unapproved task.


"Call me at Eleven."

This means Eleven PM. This is a law. If any co-habitators in this house go out, they must call-in at Eleven. This law holds true for every living being with index fingers in this house. Of course, if I am the one at home waiting for the Eleven call, and someone forgets to call, then this gives me free rein to hold the non-call over the person, in the near or far future as many times I like, for whatever control I desire when I say "I'll remember that!"
The only way one can nullify this act is if they cut off both index fingers and have the emergency room report stating that Doctors were unsuccessful graphting the digits back on.
That's only fair...isn't it?


"What do you mean by that?"

This is when a person is talking with me. Perhaps answering questions I am asking. (the guys might say it is interrogation) This is the question I keep asking until they answer the question the way I want it answered, revealing what I think is important and relevant information; Even if they don't see it that way.


"Whadda ya mean, you're going to bed?"

This really means, "Why can't you stay awake through the whole movie? We don't have to get up early. Ohh come on."


"What are you eating?"

This really means, "Why didn't you ask me if I wanted something?"
Other verbs can follow-like drinking, and the real meaning will still be the same.



"We need to have a talk."

This means that any guy in my house that hears this phrase from me will have to endure at least an hour of rational conversation which will require him to try to reveal his feelings, and this event, even though it is designed to draw us closer, will most likely end with me angry, cuz the said male does not get it.
This for sure the closest to living hell the guys in my life have to deal with.


The goal of this post is to hopefully make others chuckle over morning coffee.
I am sure you are either now just figuring us out and shaking your head in the YES position, cuz you can see this happening....

or

You are grinning cuz now you know this also happens to other people too!

Cheers to you. Hope you have a great day!


3 comments:

RheLynn said...

Whoa - I hope you don't take offense to this, but I think my Mom lives by Womandatory ;) They say we turn into our mothers, sooner or later... eep!

Lynn said...

I swore my whole adult life that I would never become my mom.
But
It is absolutely part of growing up.
As we age and we see our family grow up our values become just as dynamic as the individual personalities we interact with at home.
But
Women's outlook on the important things of life definitely change as we age.
Is it bad? Naw.
It is just mixing hormone depletion and parenting adults that changes us.
We find it humourous in my home.
I think anyone who takes it seriously is really really trying hard to be a "glass half empty" person.

chase said...

I am actually practising womandatory. I think I am being like my mother sometime